Game The Second: Eternal Questions

For centuries, wise people have asked questions. Is there intelligent life in the universe? Is there a just and loving God who controls existence? Will human beings ever be able to coexist without strife and violence? Can the 2024 Red Sox muster a major league offense without Rafael Devers? The answer to one of these questions is "no," as the Mariners throttled the Deversless Sox on four hits. Hard luck loser Nick Pivetta and friends also allowed 4 hits, but since former Phillie JP Crawford had the foresight to place one of his hits on the other side of the fence, Boston lost 1-0. 

2024, Game The First: The Good Kind of Weird

 Opening on the Coast is weird, although it has happened before. Opening a Red Sox season that feels, as the kids say, mid, is not as weird, or certainly not as uncommon. Behind homers from New Guy and Probable Private Detective Tyler O’ Neill and Old (Relatively Speaking) Guy Rafael Devers, the Red Sox managed a 6-4 win out in the Wild Northwest over the supposedly pitching rich Mariners. 

Week The Sixth: May 8-14, 2016: "Busting Out The Whooping Sticks"

Sunday we begin in New Jack City, where the Red Sox unleashed that all purpose cure for poor umpiring, four home runs in a 5-1 win. Then came the Athletics and Astros to town, and the Carmine Hose brought back fond memories of George Scott, Butch Hobson, Jim Rice and the late 1970s thumpers, pounding out four straight double digit offensive bludgeonings, wins of 14-7, 13-5, 13-3, and 11-1. All things must pass, however, and George Springer's 3 for 5 capped a comeback by the Houstons in a 7-6 squeaker on Friday. The Red Sox seemed headed for defeat on Saturday too, trailing 5-4 in the bottom of the ninth, when David Ortiz did that thing he does, tripling in the tying run, and, not to be outdone, doubled home the game winner in the 11th for a 6-5 comeback walkoff win that capped a 6-1 week.

Week The Fifth: May 1-7, 2016: How I Was Ron Kulpa'd Into Submission

Sunday began the week with a completed sweep, an 8-7 win over the Yankees after another rough outing from Price. After an off day, Tuesday brings us to the City of Big Shoulders and a 4-1 loss to the White Sox, a decent outing from Steven Wright ruined by a sad four hits off of Jose Quintana. Wednesday featured a return to form, a strong effort from Buchholz and 3 RBI from the Large Father in a 5-2 win. Thursday gave us another strong offensive performance, homers from DP, Hanley, and Shaw powering a 7-3 win. Then came Friday's 3-2 defeat in New York, which sort of deserves its own paragraph, and then a rather routine 8-2 loss to the Yanks on Saturday to finish out a 3-3 week.

Friday's game began with a 2 run first inning, followed by single runs in the 1st and 2nd for the Bombers, resulting in a 2-2 tie after 2. There matters stood until the 7th, where Aaron Hicks, of all people, homers off of Porcello to give the home side a 3-2 advantage. Then came the ninth inning. Singles from Josh Rutledge, Dustin Pedroia, and Xander Bogaerts loaded the bases with one out off of lefty closer Andrew Miller. This brings David Ortiz to the plate, and the sublime turns into the ridiculous. With 3 balls and one strike, Miller throws one of his ridiculous sliders, which McCann catches in approximately the right hand batter's box, which is called a strike. It wasn't, but it was at least arguably one, making the count 3-2. Ortiz complains, rightfully, and John Farrell comes out to reinforce and echo Papi's views, and gets excused for the rest of the evening. Miller's 3-2 pitch is outside, and absurdly, ridiculously low, and, of course home plate umpire Ron Kulpa calls it a strike. Either pitch could have been a game tying ball four, and the second one inarguably was. It was unprofessional, unethical, and the greatest argument for robot umpires since Eric Gregg last roamed the Earth. Disgraceful.

Week The Fourth, April 24-30, 2016: A Kimbreltdown!

Sunday begins with a Kimbrel meltdown (A Kimbreltdown?), a 9th inning Colby Rasmus homer tying the game at 5, even though we eventually pulled it out with two runs in the twelfth. Monday was a simple 1-0 shutout, the lone run a JBJ blast, although it came against the terrible Braves, so maybe that should only be half a win. Tuesday brought a more respectable 11-4 smackdown of these same terrible Bravos, and Wednesday gave us another 9-4 beating of the Atlantans. Thursday ended all the joy and rapture with a 5-3 defeat, Bad Clay Buchholz rearing his head again. Friday brought us back home to Fenway and a 4-2 win over the Evil Empire, reaching the vaunted Dellin Betances for the winning tallies. Saturday brought more rapture than we are really entitled to, an 8-0 wipeout featuring dominance from Rick Porcello, of all people. We wrap up the week with a 6-1 record, and even though 4 of them came against the struggling Astros and the terrible Braves, they count as full wins in the standings.

Week The Third: April 17-23, 2016: Farrell's Follies

Sunday was the first Farrell Headscratcher, with a 2 run rally in the 9th closing the deficit to 5-3. With both Brock Holt and Dustin Pedroia sitting on the bench, Farrell lets Chris Young, Jackie Bradley Jr, and Ryan Hanigan bat. No, I don't know either. Marathon Monday was another puzzle, a 1-0 lead with 6 outs to go that he handed to Taz, and then Koji, who couldn't find home plate with a map and a compass today. Farrell apparently forgot that he had other relievers, watching two walks and a hit batsman and a hit and the game, a 4-3 loss. Tuesday brought a whole new level of agony, a one hit performance from Drew Smyly combined with a first inning injury to Joe Kelly, and finished off by 8 1/3 more shutout, bullpen taxing innings, and then a 10th frame implosion in a 3-0 defeat. On Wednesday, we shelled Chris Archer, of all people, for some early runs, along with a much needed strong effort from Ranger Rick Porcello in a 7-3 victory. Thursday's getaway game gave us our first David Price disaster, gone in the fourth in an 12-8 drilling. Friday found the Sox in Houston, a passel of early runs supporting Stephen Wright in a 6-2 win, but Saturday gave us Cowboy Clay's Struggling Road Show, an early shelling in an 8-3 loss that gives us a 2-5 week that seems prophetic.

Week The Second: April 10-16, 2016: "X Marks The Spot"

Sunday dawned with the Red Sox being Marco Estradaed into submission, a 3-0 whitewash. Monday gave us the first gut punch of the season, Baltimore's Chris Davis spoiling the home opener with a rocket to deep center off of Kimbrel to seal a 9-7 loss. Tuesday brought an early lead, which Buchholz gave back, and then yielded to the bullpen, who completed the shelling in a 9-5 loss. Wednesday brought 5 rough innings from Joe Kelly, but the offense picked him up for a 4-2 win. After Thursday's off day, Friday was those mean Jays again, and another hammering of Dickey in a 5-3 victory. Saturday was Price again, a 4-2 throttling of the Canadian power boys featuring a 3 run jack from the X Man that gives us a 3-3 week, 6-4 in toto.

Week The First: April 3-9, 2016: "Price Goest Before The Fall"

After a delay of one day thanks to some wretched Eastern US weather, the 2016 season began with David Price doing David Price things, 6 innings with 5 hits and 2 runs followed by Tazawa, Koji, and Craig Kimbrel, just like they drew it up in the playbook, along with homers from Mookie and Papi. Game two began with 2015 flashbacks, the Indians climbing all over Cowboy Clay Buchholz early. After tying the game at 6, the bullpen gave the lead right back courtesy of old friend Mike Napoli going yard off of Taz in a 7-6 loss. Another cancellation followed, and the Sox moved on to Toronto on Friday, nearly blowing another one when Joe Kelly got back to where he once belonged with a 3 inning disasterpiece. But the bullpen held fast and Brock Holt hit a grand slam, leading to a 8-7 win. On Saturday, Rick Porcello made his debut giving up some early runs, but the offense kicked the life out of RA Dickey, winning 8-4, giving us a 3-1 week that seems deceptively rosy.

Games 88-90: Finish Strong

The Red Sox finished the "First Half" today, entering the All Star Break with an 8-6 win over the Orioles, completing a four game sweep of Buck's Birds. On Friday, Boston won 10-3, and on Saturday 4-0, the entire series becoming contentious with numerous HBPs, one fight, and other unpleasantness. The Red Sox, scuffling off of their National League nightmare, have gone 10-1 since.

Games 84-87: Getting Back On The Horse

After dropping a 9-7 John Lackaster on July 4, the Red Sox ripped off three straight wins, 3-2 and 6-4 over Toronto followed by a 10-4 carpet bombing of Baltimore last night. Even though scribes are writing sentences with "Jon Lester" and "DL" in it, the Red Sox head towards the All Star Break in genuine contention.

Games 82 and 83: Finish Strong

The Red Sox finished a unusually difficult National League swing by sweeping the Astros, 10-4 on Saturday and 2-1 Sunday on a bases loaded ninth inning walk. Boston returns home to normality and the Blue Jays today.

Games 79,80,81: Halfway Home

The Red Sox wound up dropping 2 out of three in Philly, losing 2-1 on Wednesday before pulling out a Thursday redemption, 5-2. Boston's trip to Houston started out much better, winning 7-5 last night. The Red Sox are 47-34 at the 81 game mark, exactly halfway through the season. Remarkably, the team has gone 45-24 since the 2-10 nadir in April. #mathishard

Game 78: UndoubtedLEE

Last night right here in the birthplace of liberty, the Red Sox were simply dominated, the Phillies' Cliff Lee tossing a two hit shutout in a 5-0 loss.

Game 77: It's Miller Time!

The struggling Red Sox narrowly avoided a sweep by beating the Pirates today, 4-2, behind six innings from formerly hot prospect Andrew Miller. The four game losing streak mercifully over, the Red Sox move on to Philadelphia for a series that starts Tuesday.

Game 76: Walking The Plank

The Red Sox dropped another game in the Steel City yesterday, 6-4, with the offense struggling mightily in what has become a National League Death March. The Red Sox have one game left against Pittsburgh today before visiting the City of Brotherly Love Tuesday.

Game 75: Avast! Ye Scurvy Dogs!

The Red Sox dropped their third straight game, 3-1 to the Pirates last night. The struggles against a supposedly weak National League continue today and tomorrow, then Tuesday in Philadelphia, and then into the holiday weekend in Houston. Hopefully the struggles end today.

Games 73 and 74: After The Fire....

After the ferocious 14-5 drubbing, Boston dropped a pair of decisions to the Fathers, 5-4 on Tuesday and a rain shortened 5-1 last night. The Red Sox are off today, but they continue interleague merriment in the Steel City tomorrow.

Game 72: Unleash The Hounds!

Last night in Boston, the Red Sox greeted their guests, the visiting Friars, with a quite rude 10 run seventh, busting open a 3-3 tie and pushing their way to a 14-5 win.

Games 69-71: A Pyrrhic Weekend Song

Over the weekend, the Red Sox took two of three from the Brew Crew, a pair of pastings, 10-4 and 12-3, sandwiched around a 4-2 loss in the middle. However, the victories were not without cost, as we start the new week without CC Music Factory and Cowboy Clay, both of whom are in the MASH unit with hopefully short term injuries.

Game 68: Pyrrhic Victories

The Red Sox defeated Tampa Bay and the Naughty Fish yesterday, 4-2, albeit with both Cowboy Clay and Farmer Jed removed with hopefully mild injuries. The Red Sox return to open the Interleague Bonanza today with Prince Fielder and the Milwaukee Brewers.